No's about online dating
Part of why approach anxiety is so insidious is because we worry that we’re going to screw up so badly that everyone will hear about it.
There’s a natural tendency to forget that while we’re the center of our own universe, we’re only tangental to someone else’s.As a result, we’re extremely conscious of signs that our relationship within the group is in danger; in the past, getting thrown out of the group was a de-facto death sentence.When you couple this with the inherent negativity bias that ensures we feel negative stimuli stronger and more profoundly than positive ones – we dedicate more of our emotional and mental bandwidth to the possibility of getting hurt.Mainlining that 24-7 feed of our own thoughts, dreams, fears, anxieties, etc.makes it hard to forget that other people’s lives and decisions don’t revolve around us or anything that we’ve done.She wants someone who’s cool with tons and tons of lizards.
– her life, her circumstances, her preferences in a date.
Just as we assume that everyone is cataloging our every move, we tend to assume we occupy of the reasons why someone may reject us is due to some choice we made…
more often than not, that never reaches into the top ten reasons why you got turned down.
You can’t plan for these or find a way to overcome them.
All you can do is accept that rejection in this case meant that there was some reason you were incompatible and move on.
And while it can be difficult to face your fears, part of what helps makes them less all-consuming is to of the pain of being rejected – registers as actual pain.