My ex girlfriend dating someone else
All beginnings are lovely – or so the sage proclaims. Two individuals come together – attraction, lust, love, personality styles, personal and family histories, attachment, and lifestyles collide – and there you are in the middle of a daring, challenging, and steamy relationship.
These behaviors are sometimes perceived as manipulative: To get attention and one’s needs met – “I need you here; you can’t leave; I show you why.” Scared and emotionally drained partners generally seek advice on how to get out; others are still confused about their partner’s behavior. ” When the partner with BPD travels the roller-coaster of emotions (it’s a habit and due to the lack of coping skills not because it feels good) the healthier partner feels overwhelmed and describes his situation as being “stuck between a rock and a hard place;” feeling bad and responsible hence unable to leave her, he states his partner gets “incredibly angry and sometimes physically and verbally abusive.” What follows is a pattern of submissive, self-loathing behaviors.Constant feelings of emptiness prompt her to seek stimulation from the outside.The partner becomes the main outlet for her entertainment, self-respect, or self-loathing – an overwhelming job to handle!I always ask my clients “What’s your partner’s most valuable asset – other than her portfolio?” The correct answer is “consistency” – and consistent is what people with a history of BPD are not.The individual with BPD does not have an inner center; she does not know who she is.
She tries to gauge her self-image at any given situation by interpreting the expressions of others (kind of the blind leading the blind giving her over-sensibility). Hopefully, this evokes some compassion – imagine how scary when you are just drifting at the mercy of what you believe others may do or think.
What’s the major challenge of BPD: It comes seldom alone!
Substance and eating disturbances co-occur and mood disorders such as Unipolar Depression and Bipolar disorder generally require a combined treatment consisting of a medication regime and therapy.
Remember you cannot make somebody happy – happiness is an inside job! My German grandmother used to say, “ Hope is the last to die.” Yes, certainly there is always hope yet – baseline behavior aka normalcy as you and experience it is a long hike away for people with BPD.
This contributes to the feeling of being emotionally drained in a partnership. The good news is that once in our thirties our energy level decreases naturally and hence even individuals with BPD will have less vigor at their disposal.
I use the pronoun his because more women are diagnosed with BPD; men instead earn the label antisocial much easier.