I kissed dating goobye
And that’s so much bigger than sex; there’s a critical portion of a healthy life that I have to strain to reach that was damaged in the name of God.
It’s like a low level noise of distrust and anxiety that some would probably call the conviction of the Holy Spirit.I once called it that, but no more.: I first read IKDG while in college in Jamaica.I’d moved there from the UK where I’d attended an all-immigrant congregation that packaged purity culture as counter-cultural self-empowerment and self-love.I don’t think I had the language or the structure to articulate what about it I didn’t like.So, that feeling, ended up being identified by my youth pastor and others as “sin.” I was told I had a sinful attitude when it came to the book and being pure.And though he was interested in marriage, I was sure we were too young to go ahead (we weren’t). During my most vulnerable years, I was separated from the American evangelical purity culture industry by ethnicity, denomination, and continent.
But the sad thing about religious colonialism, which I see IKDG as part of, is that it doesn’t respect borders well.
As a teen and young adult I knew some of the basic concepts of the book: you shouldn’t get involved with too many people because that means you’re cheating on your future spouse.
I first read IKDG when I was 15 and it didn’t feel right, but I didn’t have the words to put to that feeling.
I also read some of In the spring of 2013, I started a hashtag #noshamemov (short for No Shame Movement) so that people would have a platform for sharing their stories of growing up in purity culture. In the 3 years I’ve been doing this, lots of folks who shared their stories point to IKDG as either central or playing a significant role in how purity culture was enforced.
It came up so often I finally decided to check it out from the library.
But beside my non-existent teen love life, the book had a larger impact that as an adult, I’m only now coming to grips with—damaging expectations of myself, men, and sexuality—beliefs that have cost me love, friendship, and given me a life of shame.