Dating the healthy way
Partners might need to talk about how much time they need to maintain their sense of self and how much time to spend together.4. Fear, guilt and self-doubt are big potential pitfalls, Gionta said.We might fear the other person’s response if we set and enforce our boundaries.
These feelings serve as “important cues about our wellbeing and about what makes us happy and unhappy.”Putting yourself first also gives you the “energy, peace of mind and positive outlook to be more present with others and be there” for them.” And “When we’re in a better place, we can be a better wife, mother, husband, co-worker or friend.”8. If you’re having a hard time with boundaries, “seek some support, whether [that’s a] support group, church, counseling, coaching or good friends.” With friends or family, you can even make “it a priority with each other to practice setting boundaries together [and] hold each other accountable.”Consider seeking support through resources, too.Boundaries are essential to healthy relationships and, really, a healthy life. Unfortunately, it’s a skill that many of us don’t learn, according to psychologist and coach Dana Gionta, Ph. We might pick up pointers here and there from experience or through watching others.But for many of us, boundary-building is a relatively new concept and a challenging one.They’ll “approach each other similarly.”With others, such as those who have a different personality or cultural background, you’ll need to be more direct about your boundaries.Consider the following example: “one person feels [that] challenging someone’s opinions is a healthy way of communicating,” but to another person this feels disrespectful and tense. For instance, in a romantic relationship, time can become a boundary issue, Gionta said.Having healthy boundaries means “knowing and understanding what your limits are,” Dr. Below, she offers insight into building better boundaries and maintaining them.1. You can’t set good boundaries if you’re unsure of where you stand.
So identify your physical, emotional, mental and spiritual limits, Gionta said.
She suggested thinking of these feelings on a continuum from one to 10. If you’re at the higher end of this continuum, during an interaction or in a situation, Gionta suggested asking yourself, what is causing that?
What is it about this interaction, or the person’s expectation that is bothering me?
Gionta likes the following books: The Art of Extreme Self-Care: Transform Your Life One Month at a Time and Boundaries in Marriage (along with several books on boundaries by the same authors).9. Of course, we know that it’s not enough to create boundaries; we actually have to follow through.
Even though we know intellectually that people aren’t mind readers, we still expect others to know what hurts us, Gionta said.
Also, think about the people you surround yourself with, she said. For instance, if your workday is eight hours a day, but your co-workers stay at least 10 to 11, “there’s an implicit expectation to go above and beyond” at work, Gionta said.