skip to content »

Dating after long hiatus

When I got to the bar to meet my first date, I spotted a really attractive, broody guy in the corner, scribbling in a notebook.My date turned out to be a total dud, but writer guy and I kept making eyes.

So we laid down some ground rules: we were allowed to date other people, so long as we were honest about it.I liked Will, but there was a lot about him that I didn’t want in a relationship.We continued to see one another, but we were explicit about keeping things casual.After just one drink, I told the dude I was with that I had to go, put him in a cab, and then sent off a text to my second date, faking a headache.I marched back into the bar, sat down next to writer guy, and ordered myself a drink.His name was Will*, and he was a theater actor with a side hustle as a carpenter, and a slight Texan drawl. We immediately bonded over our love of cheap beer, theater, and Johnny Cash.

For the next five hours, the booze flowed; we moved to another bar, split a plate of nachos, and then drunkenly fell into a cab together back to my apartment.

So, no — Will and I didn’t eventually fall in love.

But we did start sleeping together casually again when we're both single, and he’s actually become a great friend.

Being on that side of the situation made me realize the tragic mistake I’d been making with men when I was younger.

They’d told me exactly what they wanted in a relationship — to not be in one, basically — and they stuck to their guns.

And yet I’d still willingly fall into flings with these guys. One Friday night, I’d double-booked myself on two dates.